Here’s an excerpt. Enjoy! (The following is copyrighted and fictional…yada, yada, yada)

When they were a few blocks from her house Scott finally broke the silence. “I get that he was mean to you. I get that he was a big fat douche. But when you two were dancing? You should have seen the way he looked at you. It was really sweet.”

“Sweet? More like calculating. He probably thinks I’m some dumb blonde for him to conquer. I’m not falling for his unctuous performance.”

Unctuous, huh?”

Rose smiled. “Yeah, I’ve been dying to use that word in a sentence!”

“He didn’t look ingratiating to me. But, then again, he is a corporate attorney.”

“See what I mean? You can’t trust lawyers. You can’t trust men in suits, period. Give me a guy with dirt under his fingernails any day.” Rose hoped she sounded convincing.

“I don’t know. My bat-senses tell me he’s an okay guy. And it doesn’t hurt that he’s ha-awt!” He sang the last word as if he were a high-pitched choirboy.

As Scott glided the car along the curb in front of her house, Rose said, “Look, just because you’re a gay man does not give you special wisdom about what it’s like to be a woman. You have fabulous fashion sense and you’re a pure joy to be around when we scope out hotties at Sounders games. But, you’re still a guy.”

Scott opened his mouth to protest and Rose held up her hand to stop him. “Often a romantic guy, I’ll give you that. But in the end, you are just another horny dude. Women don’t need men to be happy. I’m proof. I’m happy. I don’t have a man.” Once the words were said aloud, she sighed in defeat. “Shit.”

He chuckled and patted her knee. “Rosy-babe, you need to loosen up. You should run over to Babeland on Capitol Hill and treat yourself to an awesome vibrator. Trust me, it’ll do you a world of good. Then set up an account with Match dot com and find your true love.”

With her hand on the door handle, Rose was just about to make her quick get-a-way before any other words of wisdom exited her best friend’s mouth. But she wasn’t fast enough.

“Or you can just call The Panther and let him scratch your itch!”

She slammed the door on his roar of laughter, marched up the path and through her front door.